A little over a week has passed since my last blog post, and I'm still in Edinburgh doing my thing.
Monday was my first official day off, which was much-needed, though I did squeeze in an interview for my McCartney McAlphabet co-host Clary Saddler's podcast Mouth-Off and a therapy appointment too. The show itself is going well, though I'm still struggling for numbers. I don't mind performing to a small audience generally as it reminds you to connect instead of going on autopilot, though it's not a cost-effective way to do a fringe run. It also doesn't help you build a grassroots following when so few people get to see it.
What's nice is people are getting on board with the subject matter. No show is a wasted opportunity, though it's the stuff around it that's frustrating. For example, yesterday, I set up my gear - no mean feat itself - to pack down moments later because just one person came. Days like this when no one has booked in by the time I'm en route from my digs are the worst, as you're caught in a weird stasis of not knowing whether you're about to launch into an hour of storytelling or just pack up to go home. And the turnaround is such that you'll only know for certain a few seconds before you start. Call me fussy, but I could do without that emotional rollercoaster in my life.
That's not to say I didn't already know this. You can't do Edinburgh multiple times without picking up this little nugget, and if you haven't, you were either very lucky or weren't paying attention. However, the combination of this and the intensity of the Fringe as a whole is hard to navigate. The trick is to stay light of touch and not take it too seriously, which is even more challenging for me this year when you consider my show's topic. To recount some of the most painful moments of my life daily to a fringe backdrop was always going to be tough, whether the format's standup or not.
My latest tactic to give myself a bit of a psychological break is to try to adopt the mental health technique known as 'the vault', in which you imagine locking difficult recurring thoughts and memories behind a heavy door. It's surprisingly effective, though I wonder how long it'll be before I throw the Fringe in there too.