Once again, I find myself racing to get on top of things, yet falling short.
It doesn't help that my dad's still in hospital with us no knowing when he'll come out; nor does the fact I haven't had time to look over material for my dates in Bath next week. On top of this, a combination of a couple of quiet or slow-to-sell Mostly Comedys have put me on edge, worried that I'm going to have to subsidise a temporary shortfall due to a lack of cash flow, and all this without considering the work I need to do for Edinburgh, but haven't had time to consider yet; is it any wonder I'm close to metaphorically pulling my hair out and who can blame me?
The point is, I don't feel anyone's really interested in what I do, other than when I bring acts to Hitchin for people to be impressed by. And even that has a limit, particularly when it happens so often for some of the excitement and allure of who we get to rub off. Then to top it off, the money I take from it is minimal compared to the work I put in, and my fees are the first to be abandoned the minute there's a temporary money problem, which in turn makes the whole thing feel disproportionate to the effort put in. And when things are hard, my main task seems to be to keep the club afloat, at the expense of everything else and it's starting to return wear thin; what's the point of it if it doesn't provide what it should?
It doesn't help that I don't think I've had a creative thought all year, as I haven't been in the mindset for it. all I've done is protect the club. But it's started to not help in the sense that, while I'm grateful for having it, it soon becomes a weight around the neck when it takes whatever energy I have and smothers it.
It doesn't help that my dad's still in hospital with us no knowing when he'll come out; nor does the fact I haven't had time to look over material for my dates in Bath next week. On top of this, a combination of a couple of quiet or slow-to-sell Mostly Comedys have put me on edge, worried that I'm going to have to subsidise a temporary shortfall due to a lack of cash flow, and all this without considering the work I need to do for Edinburgh, but haven't had time to consider yet; is it any wonder I'm close to metaphorically pulling my hair out and who can blame me?
The point is, I don't feel anyone's really interested in what I do, other than when I bring acts to Hitchin for people to be impressed by. And even that has a limit, particularly when it happens so often for some of the excitement and allure of who we get to rub off. Then to top it off, the money I take from it is minimal compared to the work I put in, and my fees are the first to be abandoned the minute there's a temporary money problem, which in turn makes the whole thing feel disproportionate to the effort put in. And when things are hard, my main task seems to be to keep the club afloat, at the expense of everything else and it's starting to return wear thin; what's the point of it if it doesn't provide what it should?
It doesn't help that I don't think I've had a creative thought all year, as I haven't been in the mindset for it. all I've done is protect the club. But it's started to not help in the sense that, while I'm grateful for having it, it soon becomes a weight around the neck when it takes whatever energy I have and smothers it.