Return to Sender.


I derive endless amusement from the Elvis Quotes Twitter account.

It’s probably unlikely you’ve happened to stumble across it, but if you haven’t, you’re probably familiar with its sort. It’s one of those accounts that’s presumably posting predominantly scheduled tweets proportedly related to Elvis, but most of them are hugely incongruous.

The last few days are is a case in point. I can’t imagine the King would have had a lot to say about the ageing process of Lindsay Lohan, least of all when she achieved fame a good twenty years after he died; nor would be that interested in the perceived attractiveness of the Female Olympians of the 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics; that’s unless he had some alarmingly specific (and useless) prophecies. What amuses me most is the account name suggests the tweets are words of wisdom taken verbatim from the great man himself, when in truth they’re just scarcely concealed clickbait.



I’d love to know who was behind it, if only to congratulate them for their slipshod attention to detail, which borders on flagrant. They’re not even written in a consistent tense. Some are in first-person, presumably with the intention of stoking up conversation, which just makes Elvis sound needy…



…or like a middle-aged parent trying to sound down-with-the-kids.

Maybe I’ve got it wrong, and he did say all these things. One of these days, I’ll do some research. If nothing else, I’ll compile a comprehensive anthology, which may make for an amusing book; it’s something to do, anyway.

(Er, Elvis?)

 

Popular posts from this blog

Shakerpuppetmaker.

Image
Have Parker from Thunderbirds and Noel Gallagher ever been seen in the same room? The resemblance is uncanny. So much so, I think something’s afoot. If my suspicions are correct, I've stumbled across a secret that will blow the music and puppet industry wide apart. In the mid-60s / mid-90s at least. It doesn’t take long to see the signposts. There’s the similarity between the name of Oasis’ first single, Supersonic, and Supermarianation, Gerry Anderson’s puppetry technique. The Gallagher brothers would often wear Parkas . Live Forever was clearly a reference to Captain Scarlet and Standing on the Shoulder of Giants to the size difference between Noel and his bandmates. The more you think about it, the more brazen it gets. It’s fishier than Area 51, Paul is Dead and JFK's assassination put together. The only glitch to the theory is scale . According to Wikipedia, Anderson’s marionettes were 1’10” and Gallagher is 5’8”. How does he maintain an illusion of avera...
Read more

Stevenage: A (Tiny) River Runs Through it.

If ever a river was mis-sold, it’s the Roaring Meg in Stevenage. I just walked past it on my way to the retail park that has taken its name. They’re similarly uninspiring. The river is less of a roar and more of a dribble; cystitis sufferers produce greater flow. The retail park is soulless. What was once a thriving enterprise is nearly devoid of atmosphere, save an underlying essence of emptiness and despair. With a Toys R Us. When it was first built I was excited. Back then, the thought of a bowling alley, an ice rink, a Harvester and a Blockbuster Video within a small surface area was enticing. I celebrated many birthdays on site. There was an indoor cricket pitch there for a while where I once had a joint party with a friend. Why someone with an almost pathological fear of sport would agree to such a venture is beyond me, but I did it. Now, there’s very little at the Roaring Meg of note. The river would be a metaphor for the shopping ce...
Read more

Comedy That's Worth a Letch.

Today, I nipped to Letchworth to meet with illustrator (and one-time - two-time - comedy poet) Mushybees, to discuss an event Mostly Comedy will act as surrogate parents to as part of Letchworth’s Arts Takeover in a couple of weeks. Months ago he got into contact to see if we’d be up for co-organising a comedy stage as part of Letchworth’s weekend of arts-based attractions in July; something I’d provisionally said yes to, before things got hectic in the lead-up to Edinburgh and we didn’t take it any further. Despite not getting down to the nitty-gritty straight away, we managed to pull a line-up together in a back-and-forth of emails yesterday, leading to me getting Glyn’s blessing and us deciding we’d officially go ahead with it (whatever ‘officially’ means in this context). In reality, it’s not complicated: from 12pm until 6pm-ish on the 22 nd July, Glyn, Mushybees and I will host four Edinburgh previews from four acts (including me), before Nor...
Read more