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Brain Resting.

I had a nice relaxing evening tonight, switched off from thoughts of anything work-related.

I feel guilty when I say things like this, like people would question what I do as being 'work'. That's a ridiculous mindset for a 34-year-old to consistently be in - or does everybody insecure about this? I shouldn't feel the need to justify what I do; I'm a self-employed performer who has always earnt a living in this field. My CV vouches for this. I've toured the country, appeared on TV (albeit in adverts) and been in the West End (and not just as a tourist), yet somehow my career doesn't seem real or tangible. Not just that; I also feel the need to rationalise why I might want a night off from thinking about what I need to do the next day.

...I'm essentially a bit of a fucking idiot.

It helps that I met with Glyn today and we discussed a lot of things that need to be done. It was time well spent. I also phoned our Mostly Comedy technician Paul to talk through plans for tomorrow, so things now feel more organised than usual. Glyn and I plan to take it relatively easy tomorrow, in terms of what we do to aid the set-up and what we do onstage. I'm determined for it to be a stress-free day, and there's no reason why it shouldn't be (he says, tempting fate).

I'm not sure whether I'll do any solo stand-up, and if I do, it won't be anything new. I can save that for other gigs in the next few weeks. I could do with giving myself a little brainspace as, as I've mentioned in the past few blogs, I've been feeling overwrought. So, why not take things a little easier when I can? It reminds me of something an ex-colleague said to me once about singing: "If your voice isn't in shape on any given day, you don't need to aim for the notes you can't hit; you can adapt a melody to suit what's comfortable that night". It's like being an athlete; you need to be in tune with what you're capable of at any given moment. Even if this sounds wanky, I'm going to take heed to it. Step One: I shouldn't feel the need to justify this.

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