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Backwards Criminality.


Last Sunday, I survived the tense experience of shopping in ASDA with a pack of custard creams I’d bought from the same shop on Saturday secreted in my bag.

I was carrying the biscuits due to poor forward planning. ASDA run a three-packs-for-a-pound deal* that I regularly take advantage of. Not because I’m addicted (though I am); more for the fact it enables me to keep one packet in the office and one at home, and have a spare pack left over for the commute.

I didn’t do it for the buzz. I wasn’t playing chicken with supermarket security. I had no intention to attempt to shoplift in reverse. I was taking them to my office. This didn’t stop me feeling on edge. If they stopped me, I’d be unable to prove my innocence without going home for the receipt, and I wasn't sure they’d let me do that.

I browsed Hitchin’s spindly arm of Walmart expecting a hand on my shoulder at any moment. I avoided the biscuit aisle entirely. Going there would be tempting fate.

Thankfully, I escaped the shop unscathed. I’m glad I did. While I had an alibi for the custard creams, I'd never have been able to explain the countless other ASDA products concealed about my person. "Boom tish". 

*I'm not on commission.


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