My chosen brand
of toothpaste promises whiter teeth in fourteen days. Will this be the case ad
infinitum?
I can’t imagine it makes your teeth progressively white for the rest of time. You’d
soon reach optimum whiteness. What would you do then? Switch to a different
toothpaste? No-one wants to look like Donny Osmond.
(Except for, perhaps, the
other Osmonds, though they don’t have much of a choice.)
The time frame on
the box is alarmingly precise. Not twelve days, or thirteen, but fourteen. So, you won’t notice any change to your teeth until exactly a fortnight in. If true, the impact
of your morning routine on day fourteen would be nothing short of miraculous.
If you stopped
brushing a couple of days before, would you see no improvement? Conversely, if
you used this brand for the rest of your life, how long before you look like
you’ve swallowed a UV light?
This isn’t my
only issue. Take a look at this:
A brand that
suggests you should have a tooth with no others in close proximity is
not to be trusted. A light must be shone on this dental negligence. You’ve
heard of Watergate and Plebgate. This will be known as Colgategate.