Hotpoint.


Like a lot of people in the UK right now, I’m bored of being so hot.

The last few days I’ve hidden away at home as much as possible, as each time I’ve gone out, I’ve quickly regretted it. I always prefer cold weather to warm, as at least you can do more to combat it; when it’s hot, there’s no escape.

Unfortunately, I had to go into town today, primary to buy clothes to wear in the artwork for my Edinburgh show, which we’re hopefully taking the photo for tomorrow evening; I didn’t want to leave getting something until tomorrow daytime, in case I struggled to find anything and got unnecessarily stressed in the process. This left a tighter window of opportunity as shops obviously close earlier on Sunday; I had intended to go out as late in the afternoon as possible in the hope it would be cooler then, but the BBC weather app told me it was actually likely to be a better temperature around midday, so I decided to take a risk.

One thing I hate about getting hot in public is I always feel it’s just me. By the time I arrived at Next I was dripping with sweat and felt extremely self-conscious about it, and the more aware of it I became the hotter it got. It’s a bit like not being allowed to laugh meaning you can’t stop yourself. As I stood at the counter being served by staff who’d spent the morning under air-conditioning while I’d just walked from home under the baking sun I felt like the highest level of scum; I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

On my way out of the shop I bumped into a friend, but all I could think about throughout our conversation was how hot I felt. I made my excuses pretty quickly and rushed off, not intending to be rude, but just needing to wallow in my own filth until I felt less like a reptile under a heat lamp. Thankfully I timed things just right to catch a bus back to save myself from sweating all the way home; if I had the choice, I’d be permanently sprayed with water like the Mary Rose in the hope that would help regulate my temperature. As long as Prince Charles didn’t attempt to rescue me from my watery grave; my watery Ephgrave.

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